ASlightlyEloquentPlea

There’s this girl I know…
I think she likes me…or that’s what I’m being led to believe.

Like when she yells at me, it’s like she’s saying she loves me!
When she says I suck, it’s like she’s telling me how much I mean to her!
And when she makes fun of me, it’s like she means the opposite and she’s actually giving me a compliment!
And when she hits me, it’s like she’s saying that she doesn’t want anything hurting me!
But then when I think about it…it doesn’t make any sense. And at the same time it does because that’s exactly what I’ve learned every time I try to understand girls.

They say that words can deceive but the eyes don’t lie.
But so far…none of her words are even in English and I have less than a basic understanding of body language or of love…so I can’t even begin to believe I’ve been swindled. And there’s no fixing the misconceptions that are stuck in my head because I really think all of it means she likes me.
Or at least it did when we were in kindergarten.
Though for some reason, it’s like we haven’t matured in a decade with the way this girl keeps beating around the bush. I can’t stand all the thinking about what this or that means…because no matter how hard I try I don’t understand any of it. Like when she says yes, but in the end it’s actually a no, because for some stupid reason she can’t go.
And you might think I’m being paranoid, but when it happens more than once for the exact same thing then it’s about time lights went off.

The thing is...I'm a guy!
I don't do subtle and I can't decipher all the little things you want me to see!
I just want you to walk up to me with a:
"Hi. I like you. Not just like you, but like like you, like a simile but more like a metaphor, because it's kind of hard to understand, but I really think we could have something...and I don't think any of that made sense, but I just wanted to get it out there."
Or maybe even a little note that says Do You Like Me? please check yes or no.
Anything straightforward, I'm cool with - because my brain isn't equipped to deal with this.
Is that so hard?

I mean, yes…I know I write all this complicated stuff I call spoken word, but that’s just so I can relieve some of it off of myself. Because you have to admit, if I walked up to a girl and just started saying all 4 minutes worth of a piece I wrote for her, then it would be pretty awkward. But I digress.

My point is…I’m asking all of you…please.
Stop making everything so unnecessarily complicated!
Just pretend I’m a caveman or something…Maybe even draw it out for me if you insist on being all girly and complex with it. But as far as I’m concerned, blunt it best. A giant banner would be even better.
I mean, we might say no…but at least you’re helping every guy out there understand what the hell you’re really talking about and what you want. Because if I’m like most guys, then we’re easily confuzzled…
So just say it straight. Thank you.