_my first girlfriend.

I have decided that my first girlfriend will be loud.
She’ll whisper like a megaphone in a mausoleum
And sing with all the finesse of a jackhammer.
More Motley Crew than Madonna
Ink running through her veins
Tattoos sprinting across her arms
Like she wanted the Sistine Chapel on her skin.
And her earphones sing the steel hum of heavy metal
Speaking enough gut wrenching chords to drown in,
Beating cymbals and hi-hats on her eardrums.

 My first girlfriend will curse like a Death Eater
Punctuating her phrases with all the profanity
I never had a taste for.
She will have an affinity for blood and broken windows
A shot glass full of poison and tequila
And she will look like a model
Waltzing down a concrete walkway
Doing her best impression
Of everything she tries to hide from her bathroom mirror.

 My first girlfriend will be honest.
She’ll tell me things like:
“Your poetry doesn’t make sense”
Or “You’re all talk, all the time”
And “Don’t be so afraid to take a chance!”
She will walk with the authority of Eve
In the Garden of Eden after the feast
And she’ll be confident.
Knows she’s beautiful.
Knows she’s smart.
Knows she can play your games better than you can.
And doesn’t care about any of that.
She’ll bring up death, bring up life
And she’ll look up and ask what heaven hides
Like she knew that there were angels
Playing peek-a-boo through the cumulus.

 My first girlfriend will be half Asian
Half “who gives a shit?”
And she will have a name like Catherine.
And Catherine will love spicy chicken wings
And extra sour Skittles
She will never like pink or purple,
Has this odd attraction to the colour crimson
And be fascinated by broken sand castles and cracked clocks.

 And she will confuse the shit out of every girl
That I’ve ever known!
Like “Why her? Why that dark crimson woman
With all that anger and electricity in her tongue?
Why her with her painted limbs, the sharp wit
And the thunder in her voice like a rock anthem?
Why not someone like her?
Or her?
Or anyone else!?”

 And I will reply:
“Because she’s not YOU!
And they weren’t her.
Or her.
Or anyone else!
Because she’s here.
Because she cares. Because she stayed.
Because I’ve tried and I’ve always failed.
See, I tried being your favourite love song
Your gentle symphony.
The one-man band
With the bass line of your ballad buried in his heartbeat
Trying to keep tempo when I could have done better
With a woman who wears the electric screech
Of a broken guitar riff instead of an acoustic melody.
A girl…so wrong from the get-go
But we jigsaw into each other’s arms
Like destiny painted us in a constellation
Too close to the sun but too far from the Earth.
All that warm sunshine with nowhere to go
And all the time in the world.”

 My first girlfriend will be different.