WhatBeingAManIs

I’m 19 years old.
Turning 20. Almost done being a teenager.
And I’m trying to figure out how to grow up to be a man.

I don’t drink,
I try my hardest not to swear or fight
The only car I’ve ever had control over was a Hot Wheels
And the only tool I know how to use is a screwdriver.

And while they may want you to think otherwise…
I am a hopeless romantic.
Just like so many others.
See I’ve never had a crush on a girl
But I fall in love 5 times a day.
And as much as I hate to admit it
I’m just as shallow as all the people I tend to look down on
Thinking they only use girls for sex
When I only want to use you for love.

Though just like many of them
I’ve grown way too realistic
Too cynical
And convinced myself that dreams aren’t worth having these days.
See, when I was younger
I had dreams of being a firefighter, a lawyer, a chef,
A veterinarian, a superhero, a Power Ranger, a teacher,
And a priest, but now I think I’ve lost sight of God when he’s everywhere.

And sometimes I want to cry.
But I can’t, because society’s taught me
That it’s not alright for me to do so
But it’s okay to masturbate….and be proud of it.
And that you should never fall in love
Cos it just hurts too much.
That you should go after the fast girls
And drive even faster.
To enjoy explosions
And to never be content with silence.

That men don’t write poetry.
Well, then I’M SORRY.
I’m sorry I still have to audacity to dream
And try and write with words that I hope will inspire someone to learn
What being a man really is because I don’t know anymore.

They tell us to be big shots and CEO’s
Never artists, but I draw the line
When we treat people like soldiers
And soldiers like chess pieces
Hiding in castles
While we sacrifice pawns to hold down blocks
Check mates in clubs, while taking L’s at night
And bury our hearts with spades
But never treat our queens like we should.
And oil pipes are like bloodlines pumping millions into pockets
Leaving millions out of pocket
So we can never afford what we’re chasing after
While we work at jobs we settled for
For things we can’t buy that we never really wanted
Because we’ve been taught to want them.
And fashion’s synonymous with confidence
And material possessions substitute for morals
Empathy is optional
And a head nod can pass for understanding.

But these days, it just gets harder and harder
Though I think I’ve finally found God in myself.
Grew up to be everything I ever wanted to be, all at once
And started dreaming again.

See, I want to be a man.
Have the guts to fall in love…with my family
And love them like it was the only thing I’ve ever done correctly.
Try to be the best person I can be
Leaving nothing but good memories behind.
Trying to slow everything down
On the way to finding out what being a man really is.